Chilly Time Hedgehog Delivery
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Shadow discovers the true meaning of the holiday


Shadow dropped the anchor and bounded to the sandy beaches. He grabbed a handful of sand and stuffed it under his single eyelid. The chafing sensation drove his cornea insane.

Silver slid out of the boat with slow essence adourning his dull, futuristic life. He nodded at Shadow because of Hedgehog enthusiasm.

"Hark!" cried Vector as he jumped out the ship's window and landed between the two hedgy boys.

"What's up, Vex?" asked Shadow as he thought intently about Guy Fieri's flavourful abs.

"Aight, guys!" Vector belched with each syllable like a flute filled with bubbles. "We need to deliver the presents to all the good lads and lasses!"

Silver sighed. It was hard being the first mate to the one true Hanukkah Harry.

Indeed, Shadow was the new Hanukkah Harry because he accidentally murdered the previous one with the Coconut Gun. Now, according to logic, Shadow was the new Hanakkuh Harry.

"We begin our conquest at the faker's abode!" announced Shadow as he put his cheeks into a bowl of oatmeal, squished it in madly, and waddled off to Sonic's house.

Silver and Vector were astounded by how responsible and intelligent Shadow was. It was truly an honour working alongside him for the glory of mankind.

Shadow and the squad made it past all of the landmines that Sonic had hid in his yard. Shadow was lucky to have only lost one spleen in the barbed wire blockade.

"It's a Hanukkah miracle!" said Vector as he retrieved a new spleen for Shadow.

Shadow accepted the new addition through his left ear canal. He enjoyed the thought of the glorious spleen as it passed over his brain and down his esophagus. It felt like maple syrup and pancakes all day, err-day.

Shadow and da boyz slid down the chimney and ended up in Sonic's living room. Tails was sleeping on the floor with a cinder block wedged in his missing tooth socket for medical reasons that not even I can explain.

Shadow shushed to his Hanukah mates and the three tiptoed into Sonic's menorah room.

Sonic awoke from the sound of Vector's hot Yeezys exuding their coolness. He dashed from his bed to find the intruders closing in on his sacred domain.

"I'm so offended!" said Sonic offended.

Shadow gasped and pulled the sand out of his secret compartment. He threw it in Sonic's eyes and Sonic went blind for exactly sixty seconds. This was just enough time for Shadow, Silver, and Vector to rush into the menorah room and give him a brand new toothbrush.

Sonic recovered and grabbed his Diamond Pickaxe. He burst into the menorah room and hashed Vector into tiny little bite-size pieces. Sonic then swallowed the teeny crocodile munchies and used his hot display of macho madness to quell Shadow and Silver's nose.

"Oh no!" cried Silver. "Sonic's outrageous set of six-pack abs compels me to bow!" Thusly, he bowed to his superior.

"Curses!" growled Shadow. He bowed as well, but made sure that his edginess was turned up to eleven.

"Now that I have found the identity of the one and only Hanukkah Harry, I shall make him my trophy and use his existence as a reason to tour my booty room!" laughed Sonic maniacally as he adjusted his evil glasses.

"Sonic! Why do you wish to tarnish the sacred holiday of love and life?" wept Shadow. Silver began to cry as well.

"Because of these hot bunzies!" smirked Sonic as he posed and released thunder and lightning from his delicious captain's quarters.

"Dang, he ain't lying tho…" said Silver. He salivated at the sight of a tush almost as grand as his own. He wished to procure dat Hunka Hunka Burnin' Bluster and serve it to his lovely gal Blaze.

"Do not fret, Silver," said Shadow as he pulled out his Coconut Gun. "I have but one option left to save our skins!"

Sonic gasped as Shadow pelted his seriously rockin' rump with coconuts shells. Sonic's delicious rear… died that day…

It was so sad to see that Sonic had a dead bummy on the beautiful day of Hanukkah. Knuckles and Amy came to the funeral the next day.

Sonic stood at the side of the coffin and held the hands of his fallen friend. "I swear revenge to you, buddie boy…" said the blue individual.

Shadow sat on the bench outside of Sonic's funeral room. He and Silver were fingerpainting and reading newspapers made for hippos.

Sonic stepped out of the funeral room moments later and eyed something deadly at his attractive rivals.

"You killed my flingmakers…" grumbled Sonic with raspy hotness.

"Yeah, but you also killed Vector," said Shadow.

"He was our boy!" cried Silver. He wept bitter tears into Shadow's thick muscular biceps.

Sonic smirked and shot some cheese out of his nostrils because.

That's when Shadow and Silver realised the true meaning of Hanukkah.

And it was about time…

 **THE END?**


End file.
